In a deeply personal and emotionally charged revelation, Indian pop star Yo Yo Honey Singh has laid bare the terrifying depths of his decade-long battle with bipolar disorder, recounting a harrowing night at his lowest ebb when he prayed for death. Speaking on the ABtalks podcast, the artist, who once dominated the Indian music industry with chart-topping hits, described being trapped in a body and mind ravaged by mental illness and substance abuse, a period so dark he saw no way out except through a divine exit he was not granted .
Singh detailed the insidious onset of his condition, which struck at the absolute zenith of his commercial success in 2014. While juggling an international tour with Shah Rukh Khan, filming a Punjabi film, and judging a reality show, he began experiencing unshakeable paranoia and hallucinations. ‘I started getting symptoms of Bipolar disorder. It started with suspicions. Fear of death, fear of people,’ Singh confessed. He recalled how his sense of reality crumbled during a stop in Chicago, where a profound fear of dying on stage overwhelmed him. In a desperate attempt to escape performing, he locked himself in a bathroom and shaved off half his hair, yet his team insisted he simply wear a cap .
The pressure of continuing while his mind was fragmenting proved to be a tipping point. Singh managed to sing only two songs before walking off stage mid-performance, a move that would mark the beginning of a near-total retreat from the world. ‘After that, I stayed inside my house for seven years. I didn’t want my fans to see me in that condition. I locked myself inside and didn’t even meet my childhood friends. There was no communication, no phone calls, no TV, no internet,’ he revealed, adding that for three of those years, he barely left his bedroom and kept the bathroom door open while showering out of a paralyzing fear of death .
The psychological torment escalated to the point where Singh genuinely believed he had already passed away. He described the years 2018 and 2019 as the absolute nadir of his ordeal. ‘I used to sit there thinking I was dead already and stuck somewhere between heaven and hell. My mother would give me food, and I would think it was my last meal,’ he shared. It was during this period of profound isolation and suicidal ideation that he turned to prayer, though not for salvation in the traditional sense. ‘I told God, sorry, I disrespected you, I didn’t believe in you… I want something from you, and that was death because I was unable to control what was happening inside me,’ Singh recalled, his voice carrying the weight of the memory .
However, what he describes as a miracle occurred instead. ‘That night, I asked for death, but I didn’t get it. I got the purpose to live,’ he said, marking that moment of unanswered prayer as the turning point for his spirituality and his will to recover .
The road to recovery was shockingly long and came with severe physical side effects that the singer disclosed for the first time. Singh revealed that the heavy psychiatric medication prescribed to stabilize his bipolar disorder caused dramatic changes to his body. He gained significant weight, reaching 105 kilos, and suffered complete hair loss. In a moment of raw candor, he pointed to his head on camera and stated, ‘This is fake hair, I am totally bald. This is a wig,’ a public admission of the lasting physical toll of his mental health war .
Strikingly, Singh noted that even after quitting drugs in 2014, it took the better part of a decade to feel human again. ‘You won’t believe it, but even after I stopped doing drugs in 2014, it still took me seven to eight years to recover,’ he said. He attributed the breakthrough to a critical decision to change his medical team. After seven years on a stagnant treatment plan that failed to curb his delusions, a new doctor adjusted his medication, enabling him to start meeting people and facing life again within just four weeks .
Now back in the spotlight with new music and international tours, Singh is careful to clarify that his story is not one of a definitive cure, but of ongoing management. ‘I am still a patient of bipolar disorder. But God has been kind. I am travelling the world, doing shows again, and making music. It is a miracle,’ he affirmed. The artist, who documented part of this painful journey in the 2024 Netflix documentary ‘Yo Yo Honey Singh: Famous,’ hopes that by revealing the extreme physical and mental cost of his illness—including wearing a wig and his near-death wish—he can crush the stigma surrounding mental health in India and beyond .
