Somy Ali on Ranveer-Deepika Koffee With Karan incident: “I do not see anything wrong with dating multiple people simultaneously”

Following Deepika Padukone and Ranveer Singh’s appearance in the celebrity chat show, Koffee With Karan, many questions arose about Deepika dating other men, including Ranveer Singh, before they committed to each other. She said that while she was seeing him, she was also meeting other men, but kept coming back to him. While some people feel that this is a red flag in a relationship, others say that it’s normal to kiss many frogs till you find your prince. Actor turned humanitarian Somy Ali shares her opinion.

“This is totally contingent on one’s upbringing and their value system. I do not see anything wrong with dating multiple people simultaneously because one has to make the most important decision in their lives. Particularly for women in our culture where we end up being the culprit and blamed for everything inevitably. I respect Deepika more after learning that she decided to make that choice rather than going all in for the first guy she met. That to me is an hasty and impulsive decision even more due to the pressure I believe society puts on us women. Given I was raised in a western culture thus in the U.S. it’s extremely common to date multiple people on both ends until one decides who they want to get old with. I applaud this way of life because I would rather learn the lesson pre-marriage than after,” she says.

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We all have our idiosyncrasies and it’s important to know if one can handle those habits or traits for a lifetime, feels Somy. She continues, “This is why people get divorced because of all the rush and pressure placed on women to get married. I keep saying this, but our brains are still developing till we turn 25. Thus, to even consider marriage and choose a lifetime partner before that would be like trying to listen to a radio with malfunctioned wiring.”

Reiterating her opinion, Somy says that it’s very normal to date many people in the U.S., but not in my South Asian culture. “So, personally and keep in mind I am older than Deepika an entire decade older, thus, for me, I would feel strange dating different people simultaneously. However I have nothing against the younger generation in doing so. In fact, I encourage it for their own mental wellbeing rather than ending up in a crisis after marrying due to societal pressure and being told one can’t date many people at the same time,” she adds.

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On how she decides on her perfect partner, Somy says, “That’s completely subjective when it comes to the individual making choices be it male or female. I don’t believe in perfection because I am a realist and extremely pragmatic. I have also seen people married for 25-30 years and then file for divorce once their kids have grown up which proves they stayed in a miserable marriage for their children’s stability. There is nothing worse for the couple and the children when that takes place. Or some people are afraid of solitude so they continue to hold on to a hollow marriage which again is an extremely sad scenario. To answer your question we can’t decide statistically whether a woman or a man is the perfect person for us. If one does that they are living in a fairytale and conclusively real life does not consist of fairy tales. None of us are perfect and we must learn to accept that above all, we must not have over expectations and live in reality rather than delusions when it comes to choosing a life mate.”

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She adds, “I have also seen marriages where the wives are okay with husbands cheating as long as they come home at night and buy them expensive things. These are contingencies and contracts, not real marriages. And it goes both ways where women cheat too and the husbands are fine with it as long as they have their freedom to do as they please. Humans are a very complicated species and trying to put them all in one box is not sensible. There are things people tolerate because they are afraid of being alone. As for me, there is nothing more sacred to me than my solitude.”

“Perhaps due to the nature of my work and because I have been cheated on many times, I feel safer being by myself. I don’t have any expectations from people, which is my safe and comfort zone. My advice to the younger generation is to date as much as you can and as many people as you can before you jump into a marriage even though it’s just a piece of paper their parents deem it to be much more than a contractual exchange. I know I am sounding extremely cynical, but I do believe if things are meant to be they will happen and that belief gives me immense comfort. No one has the power to change their fate whether they are a believer or an atheist,” concludes Somy.